Your Movie is Bad and You Should Feel Bad

Twilight , pp. 196-206. Bella awakens the next morning, fighting the belief that it was all a dream. I don't know what was so dreamlik...

Twilight , pp. 189-195. So we're in the car, flying through the night at 80 miles per hour while Edward doesn't pay attention to t...

Twilight , pp. 179-188. Goddamn, this book is bad. The title of this chapter is "Theory". Seriously. Theory ? What theory? Bel...

Twilight , pp. 171-178. Bella, her hunger sated by the end of a breadstick she nibbled, is ready to get down to what's really importan...

Twilight , pp. 165-170. Edward knows that being almost assaulted and/or raped really works up an appetite, so he takes Bella to dinner. H...

Twilight , pp. 157-164. When we left Bella, she was too busy moping to pay attention to where she was going. As it happens, she stumbles o...

Twilight , pp. 99-104. This week, we readers of Twilight are treated to a boring conversation about nothing between Edward and Bella. So ...

Twilight , pp. 91-98. Bella has obeyed Edward's summons. They sit together in the school cafeteria, not saying much. Oh, they talk  co...

Twilight , pp. 85-90. The rest of the morning passed in a blur. It was difficult to believe that I hadn't just imagined what Edward ha...

Twilight , pp. 74-84. I know what you've been missing: Edward's controlling mind games and Bella's humiliation of romantic riv...

Twilight, pp. 58-67 So, after finding out that Edward's rescue left an Edward-shaped dent in the tan car Bella was nearly smashed agai...

Twilight , pp. 53-57 I threw down a quick bowl of cereal and some orange juice from the carton. I felt excited to go to school, and that...